Redneck Church

Mark Beymer passed this along...

• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... when the pastor says, I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering, five guys and two women stand up.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... opening day of Deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir is known as the OK Chorale.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as branding.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... people think rapture is what you get when you lift something too heavy.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm Tickled Pink.


• You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the final words of the benediction are, Y'all come back now, ya hear............

"End of the Spear" Controversy

I had not even heard that the movie, "End of the Spear", was in production. Apparently it opened nationwide on Jan 20th. It is the true story of the 5 American missionaries (Nate Saint, Jim Elliot, Peter Fleming, Roger Youderian, and Ed McCully) who were martyred in the Ecuadorian jungle in 1956 by the tribesman they went to reach with the Gospel. You've probably heard of the story, Through Gates of Splendor, written by one of the widows, Elisabeth Elliot.

Anyway, "End of the Spear" is based on the book with the same title by Steve Saint, son of Nate Saint.

The Controversy involves actor, Chad Allen, who plays the parts of Nate and Steve Saint. Chad Allen (see his press) is a homosexual activist which seems seems incongruous to have him involved with this story.

The ‘End of the Spear’ dilemma

‘End of the Spear:’ What Were They Thinking? (by Albert Mohler)

MLK or Just ML

My sister Jennifer forwarded this very funny item to me. Check this post at the blog, RealLivePreacher.com.

Miss Janelle's Flat Tire Story

Chandler was quite entranced by "Miss Terri's" retelling of "Miss Janelle's " and so he had to share it with the Children's Church Sunday morning in the form of a prayer request (complete with sound effects.) Later Sunday, I got him to tell me again. At a "command performance" he tends to talk much faster.

Gabrielle Sings

After hearing Chandler recording something, Gabrielle had to have a turn...

Alive! Alive! - Gabrielle

The Pledge of Allegiance - Chandler

ABC Song - Gabrielle

God is Good all the Time!

I mentioned Chandler's funny phone messages in a previous post and I was finally able to "capture the magic." This is audio of Chandler leaving a similiar message for "Miss Terri" at my office.

The Truth About Kwanzaa

I made a quick reference to Kwanzaa a few days ago as a comparison to Chandler's organizing a "Winter Party." I really didn't know anything about Kwanzaa other than that is was created in the 1960's here in the U.S.

I just happened to stumble across this great info on Kwanzaa through LaShawn Barber's Corner. This article she references, The Truth About Kwanzaa was a real eye opener. I think every Christian should read it before considering accommodating Kwanzaa in any way.

D. John Won

I just received the disturbing news this evening that one of my closest friends from college, D. John Won, passed away suddenly at the age of 34. John was one of the most optimistic and motivated people I ever knew. I regret that we didn't keep more closely in touch after school. Tammy and I thought so much of him.

UPDATE: January 08, 2006@20:53

Tammy and I just continue to be heartbroken over John's passing. I can't begin to express myself as fluently as my friend Randy, but it is good to remember John that way. Thank you Randy.

Pat Robertson's Leg Press

A lot of people are expressing consternation over Pat Robertson's remarks on the illness of Ariel Sharon. Scrappleface has a great article on the topic, and it is all over the rest of the news.

I am mostly amazed by this claim on his website that his "age-defying" shake is one of his secrets to his ability to leg press 2000 lbs at the age of 76.

The George Foreman Grill

One of Chandler's (5) favorite videos is the demonstration video for the George Foreman grill. Not Sesame Street or Veggie tales, but instruction in grilling. So he and Gabrielle (3) got the George Foreman up on the kitchen counter while I was in trying to catch a few minutes of "Dancing with the Stars." When I heard them in there discussing getting real food out to play on the grill, I sent them packing upstairs to the playroom to use pretend food on it.

The next thing I know, they are fussing because Gabrielle is "pouring" pretend "oil" on Chandler's food. Gabrielle, of course, knows this is making Chandler crazy and enjoys it all the more.

Playing Doctor

Chandler has been enamored with all things medical for a while and has been getting little "doctor-hospital-ambulance" types of things at all gift giving occasions including a little hospital set and ambulance at Christmas.

He has been telling us for days or weeks that at the "Winter Party" he and one friend will be playing "this" and he and another friend will be playing "that." We've been telling him that he needs to include all his invitees in everything. So anyway he tells me last night that he and Jamie (a six-year-old from our church) will be playing doctor and he was going to tell her this last night at Pioneer Club. I was thinking that her mother would be thrilled!

Me: "Chandler, why don't you have all the planned games be a surprise for the kids when they arrive?"

Chandler: "Well, I think I'll have all the other games be a surprise, but this one I want to tell Jamie tonight." (Now I'm scrambling.)

Me: "Well, since you have such a nice hospital and ambulance, why don't you call it `playing hospital' instead of `playing doctor'."

Chandler: "That's a Great Idea!"

Now I'm thinking that I have earned my black belt in parenting and that Jamie may be allowed to attend the Winter party after all.

Real Christmas Tree - Pros & Cons

Well, we (Tammy) pretty much finished dismantling and packing away Christmas today. I hauled the tree out to our area where we have bonfires. It made me consider the pros and cons of having the real live christmas tree in your living room.

On the "Pro" side you have...

1. People saying, "wow, you have a real tree!"


2. The smell


3. Being able to water something in addition to your pets

On the "Con" side, I submit exhibits 1 -8:

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Chandler has decided he wants to host what he calls a "Winter Party." This is an occasion that is completely a fabrication of his five-year-old brain, kind of like Kwanza or "Festivus" from Seinfeld.

Anyway, Chandler and Tammy selected a date, January 14th, Chandler is planning what refreshments he wants, "Well we're thinking about little pizzas and then for `bessert' little chocolate chip cookies and ice cream," who he wants to invite, and what games and activities will be on the agenda.

So he asked Tammy if he could call his little friend Matthew during the day and leave a phone message inviting him to the "Winter Party." Tammy rehearsed the details with him and Chandler made the call. He got through everything great and then on his own, closed his message by lowering his voice and giving a little quote from his Grammy's answering machine, "And remember, God is good all the time!"