Iraq Surrender

I love that Scrappleface!

LEAK: Bush Veto Speech on Iraq Timeline Bill

By Scott Ott, Editor-in-Chief, ScrappleFace.com
News Fairly Unbalanced. We Report. You Decipher.

(2007-03-28) — President George Bush will issue a rare veto in a nationally-televised speech within the next week according to the text of the address leaked to reporters today.

The following are excerpts from a draft of the president’s TV script.

PRESIDENT BUSH: My fellow Americans, in this folder on my desk is legislation that would pull our troops out of Iraq by March 2008, leaving that budding democracy to be ruled under Sharia law which treats goats better than it treats women, leaving this cradle of freedom in the care of men who have made slaughtering civilians an article of faith, and putting the credibility of the United States on a par with the reputation of the United Nations.

I have interrupted your favorite sitcoms tonight so that you could see me do this. I hold in my hand a veto stamp.
(OPEN FOLDER. STAMP BILL.)
Now, I hold in my hand a Zippo lighter.
(IGNITE PAPER. DROP IN TRASH CAN. CAMERA ON FLAMING PAPER, THEN BACK TO PRESIDENT.)

My fellow Americans, you are not cowards. You are not losers. You are not stupid. You are not the people portrayed in the legislation now smoldering in this trashcan. Neither are you the kind of craven misfits that some of your representatives have become, who have traded votes for dollars, the lives of our fighting men for special interest projects in their home districts. That bill was so full of pork, it squealed. As it burns now, it smells like bacon.

I hope my actions tonight make clear to Congress and to our enemies around the world how I view the prospects of surrendering even an inch of ground to the kind of butchers who brought disaster to the streets of New York and the halls of the Pentagon in September 2001.

I pray that the people who thought they could terrify and paralyze us into shrinking from this battle for civilization will understand that, as long as I draw breath, they have an enemy who fears no one but God. I can say this not only because Divine Providence rules in the affairs of men, but also because this same God has raised up a generation of men and women who refuse to bow down to anyone else. Our troops are brave, bold, determined, disciplined and ready to sacrifice even their own lives for their children, their families, their country and the security of even the people who criticize them, or vote for legislation like this. They’re not seeking to be pulled out of harm’s way. They’re the kind of people who throw themselves into harm’s way to protect others.

I know that the terrorists are tuned in to modern media and are watching this broadcast. Let me speak to you now, you brainwashed tool of the devil. When you blow yourself up to kill women, children and noncombatants you will find no doe-eyed virgins waiting to feed you grapes as you recline on a couch in heaven. On the contrary, the way you leave this world is the way you will spend eternity. The burning, flesh-ripping agony you imposed on others will never stop searing your own soul. You will find that the god that you have worshiped is the father of lies, the deceiver. You will then know that the power-hungry monsters in clerical cloaks, who sent you to your death, cared nothing for you or anyone but themselves.

Because you hear my voice tonight, there’s still time for you to redeem yourself. The next time you see one of these slaughter merchants who has become your slave master, turn your blade on him and set yourself free. You will find safe haven with us.

And to Osama, Ayman, Muqtada and the rest of you, I say this: Sleep lightly boys. Even now, deadly men move silently through the darkness toward you. They will overtake you in a moment. The eyes and ears of those who will ultimately bring you down are everywhere. Your closest associates will trade your life for a pittance, because they can see you have no future. They will move against you to save themselves.

To my fellow Americans who, with good intentions, have joined the cry to bring our troops home, I don’t blame you. But a president cannot be controlled by the polls, the pundits or even Congress. Our founding fathers realized that the representatives of the people in the House and Senate could make mistakes when swayed by popular passions fanned by partisans. That’s why the president is the commander in chief. He must, from time to time, make unpopular decisions in order to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. Now is such a time.

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to sign the retreat bill and join the popular chorus. But I have seen the face of evil, and I know that the United States of America has been chosen to stand in the breech at this historic moment. We’re not only standing against wickedness, but we’re marching toward a better future. We can clearly see the day when an area of the world cloaked for centuries in ignorance and hatred will finally breathe the quickening air of freedom, liberty and hope.

Whether you question my motives or understand them completely, I must do what I know to be right. God is my witness and the One to whom I must ultimately answer.

We seek no conflict. We relish no war. We despise the suffering it brings. We harbor no ill will against any but those who, for whatever motive, seek to bring conflict and suffering upon us and our allies.

To our friends and enemies alike we remain steadfast.

I call on Congress tonight to get back to work and provide funding for the troops. Stop crafting sound bites and talking points. Stop giving interviews for a week or two. Send me a bill that smells like victory, without trying to micromanage the war or boost your own reelection prospects. Set aside your own desires and career, and simply do the right thing. History will celebrate your courage.

God bless you, God bless the free people of Iraq, and God bless the United States of America.